Orange Alert!!! Orange Alert!!!
Just in case you're wondering (or flying sometime soon, as I'm doing pretty much weekly recently), today we have an ORANGE ALERT!!!!!
Just check it out here, folks.
Yes, indeed, today, as my sweetie goes winging off into the far blue yonder, we have ... <*SUPRAHHZ* *SUPRAHHZ*> ... an Orange Alert. Yesterday, however, we had ... umm, hmmm... ohm, yeah, an Orange Alert. And Monday, when I went up to Alaska, we had ... oh, right, an Orange Alert.
Just to make sure you know, they make periodic announcements on the airport PA systems ... although they don't bother to tell you what to do differently because there's an Orange Alert, particularly since you're already at the airport, and don't have time to go and get one of those quart ZipLoc bags and some three ounce containers, so kiss that shampoo and your sterile contact lens solution goodbye:
The U.S. threat level is High, or Orange, for all domestic and international flights. Only small amounts of liquids, aerosols and gels are allowed in carry-on baggage.Hey, DHS!!! Mr. Chertoff!!! Can we get some variety, please? We've been at Orange Alert pretty much solid for at least a year now. Frankly, it's getting boring. We need some new colour palettes, and a bit of variation from the monotony of "Orange Alert!!! Orange Alert!!!" all the time. Maybe some chartreuse, and a nice mauve or persimmon for a change of pace. Hell, no sensible person would paint their house orange, or buy an orange car. Orange is the colour of those construction signs and traffic cones that everyone ignores or sideswipes.
See the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) website for up-to-date information on items permitted and prohibited on airlines.
How about doing the DHS alerts with some musical keys? Say, C minor for when there's some Missing White Girl, and B♭ Major for after that suitcase nuke goes off?
At the very least, vary the tune a bit. This "Orange Alert!!!" Threat Level all the friggin' time is getting old. Keeping a "U.S. threat level [of] High, or Orange" all the time makes people think you big muckety-mucks (hey you, Mr. "Katrinagate" Chertoff!) are actually doing something to deserve a gummint salary, when in fact it seems it's all a dog'n'pony show to keep people afraid and voting Republican. Say, Chertoff, what was you previous job experience? "From 1994 to 1996, he served as Special Counsel for the U.S. Senate Whitewater Committee." Oh yeah, forgot about that hack partisan stint.... Nevermind.