Tuesday, January 04, 2005

FBI and DHS: Malevolent or just plain stoopid?

Thanks to WXYZ TV in Detroit for this fine gem (courtesy of the nimrods at Ascroft's fear-mongering, bumbling FBI and Ridge's laughably pathetic "colour-coded" DHS):
There is a new warning for airports that may have passengers checking their watches. Security experts are now worried that terrorists could use a digital watch to set off an explosion in the air.

There was a time when shopping for a watch was an innocent, and perhaps one of the most fun things, you could do. But now the government is concerned that watches could be used as an instrument for terror.

The FBI and the Department of Homeland Security are warning transportation officials to look for Al Qaeda terrorists wearing two types of watches.

The first type is called altimeters, which measure altitude, and could be used to trigger an explosion when a jetliner reaches a certain height.

They are also on the lookout for watches containing hidden cigarette lighters, which could be used to ignite a bomb, like the one Shoe Bomber Richard Reed hid in his sneakers on a flight from Paris to Miami.

Ummm, rrrrriiiiggghhttt.

Any saavy terrorist is going to use his handy-dandy altimeter watch to know when to explode the plane, rather than just look out the goddamn window to see if the plane is off the friggin' ground (that is, if the plane isn't one of those planes that have a video display of the altitude on every monitor in the main cabin already). I mean, who are you going to believe, this altimeter watch or your lying eyes?

Then there's the question of whether to light your shoe-bomb with your little pocket butane lighter (permitted), or whether to do it in style and panache using your fancy lighter-watch. Or should you be really gauche and simply use a match?

I bet some morons brainstormed these latest "threats" after thinking about such subtleties for a couple of months. Or maybe it's your Ashcroft-Ridge "colour-of-the-week" tag-team, out with something else to keep the masses appropriately distracted, afraid ... and cowed. FWIW, this seems to be working:

Bob Parkllan, of House of Watch Bands in Southfield, has sold altimeter watchers at his store for years, and never before thought of them as a potential threat.

"It’s a little scary," Parkllan told 7 Action News. "It’s scary thinking about it. It makes you think of the type of person who wants to buy this type of watch."

Be sure to check under the bed before you turn in, Bob. And that closet, too. Theyyy'rrrrreeee gonna getcha!!! <*sheesh*>

But I tell you: If the TSA people need any advice, I'd say they shouldn't do this: "look for Al Qaeda terrorists wearing two types of watches." I think they ought to simply arrest any al Qaeda terrorists as soon as they identify them, Rolex, Bulova, Swatch, "WWJD" bracelet, or nothing. Seems pretty straight-forward to me. . . .

Disclaimer: I SCUBA dive, and I will admit to a little concern for those people that have dive watches that might be singled out for particular harassment by some ill-informed TSA guy. But the rest of you are going to feel it as well.

Cheers,

3 Comments:

At 10:41 AM, Blogger TOL55 said...

Not to mention that commercial airliners are pressurized, so the watch would not show correct altitude anyway.

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Arne Langsetmo said...

tol55:

Not to mention that commercial airliners are pressurized, so the watch would not show correct altitude anyway.

<*PSSSSST!!!sotto voce*> Don't tell the Terra-ists!!! You a bin Laden lover or sumptin', giving "aid and comfort" to our Enemies?

But good catch....

Cheers,

 
At 2:21 PM, Anonymous lurxst said...

I would use my James Bond 007 laser beam watch.

 

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